The Role Of Mentor & Mentee: How Do You Create A Reciprocal Relationship?

In this conversation we spoke to Thijs van Loon, CEO and founder of Betterworks Asia. As someone who’s been working as a coach and skills development facilitator for two decades in Vietnam and South East Asia, Thijs understands the importance of a symbiotic relationship between a mentor and mentee. Leveraging his knowledge, in this conversation Thijs did a deep dive into the two roles, why they’re important, and how to foster a successful relationship between them. 

Thijs van Loon has been both a mentor and mentee in his two decades’ worth of experience

What’s The Role Of A Mentor & Mentee?  

To begin, Thijs believes it’s important to define the role of a mentor and mentee. Given the nature of their relationship, he likes to begin with the mentee. 

What’s The Role Of The Mentee?

Of the two, the role of the mentee relies much more on proactivity and curiosity. This is because, according to Thijs, “the mentee is the one who needs to take action”. 

A common misconception with these relationships is the idea that the mentor needs to take charge and organise everything. However, this isn’t conducive to a successful mentor & mentee relationship. In reality, it’s up to the mentee to enhance their career and personal development. They do this by asking questions, setting up meetings, and all in all, helping themselves grow. 

What’s The Role Of The Mentor?

That brings us to the mentor and the question, if the mentee is the one who should be proactive and curious, what does the mentor need to be? 

Typically, a mentor is older and has more experience in a given field. With that comes a certain degree of expertise and wisdom, which they should be willing to share with their mentee. However, reiterating what Thijs said earlier, a mentee needs to take action. This means that it’s actually good for a mentor to assume a more laissez-faire approach, as this allows the mentee to showcase what it is they’re in need of. Having said that, a mentor cannot be indifferent. One of the key skills for mentors is that they can ask great questions, triggering the mentee to look at their development points from different angles and through this, find what action they should take from these different perspectives.

→ Understanding the respective roles of each is paramount to creating a reciprocal relationship between them. The fact is, without such an understanding and in the case of the mentee, real-time action, it becomes impossible to create a successful mentor/mentee relationship. 

The mentee must take a proactive role for this relationship to be effective

Why Is The Mentor & Mentee Relationship Invaluable? 

According to statistics from Mentorloop, 82% believe that mentoring relationships help foster meaningful connections between mentors and mentees, across departments and the organisation. Given these numbers, there’s clear evidence that the mentor and mentee relationship is important, but what other reasons are there?

A Confidence Boost

Speaking to Thijs, he mentioned his own experiences when he started working and how doubtful he was of what he was doing. This is fairly common across the board, and a lot of the time has less to do with being unsure about the job itself and more to do with uncertainties around direction, attitude, and how to overcome challenges in the workplace. Mentors help by answering these questions and giving mentees confidence. 

Support Every Step Of The Way

Besides boosting confidence, mentors are there to support you on every step of your journey. Thijs himself spoke about two mentors he relies on to this day, and they have monthly talks that range from simple conversations about anything, to more thoughtful discussions about individual struggles and their solutions. In many ways, the beauty of the mentor/mentee relationship is knowing you have someone looking out for you no matter what you’re going through. 

Someone To Trust In

Expanding on the previous section, a strong mentor and mentee relationship ensures you have someone to confide in. This is because the best kinds of mentor/mentee relationships are ones that are built on trust. Ultimately, the goal is to really get to know the other person as a human, rather than just as the title of ‘mentor’ or ‘mentee’. 

Once trust is built, it’s possible to discuss topics that otherwise might be hard to. On top of this, with trust, mentors can help mentees grow from mistakes, as opposed to stopping them from making mistakes altogether. 

Mentors are invaluable in the workplace, offering support, confidence, and trust

How Do You Begin To Create A Mentor & Mentee Relationship?

Earlier in the article, Thijs mentioned the importance of understanding the respective roles of the mentor and mentee. Without such an understanding, it’s impossible to create a reciprocal relationship between the two.

But what do you do if you have that understanding and don’t know where to go? One of the main issues mentees have is finding a mentor in the first place, especially when they work in a company that offers no mentorship programs. Let’s find out what you can do. 

Trust In The Process

While it might not be what you want to hear, Thijs believes in an “organic process whereby mentors naturally present themselves”. The idea here is that if you have a need for a mentor and the idea is front and center in your head, eventually a mentor will present themselves to you.

Some call this manifestation, others call it luck. Whatever it is, Thijs believes in trusting the process.

Network!

Another way to start finding a mentor is to network. This is a crucial skill in and of itself, and while many tend to think of networking as a means of finding new job opportunities, it’s also useful for meeting a potential mentor. As a mentee, the important thing to remember is to take a proactive approach in these situations. For example, if you want to connect with someone, ask if you can meet for a coffee.

Join A Mentoring Program

According to MentorCliq, 100% of the TOP 50 US Fortune 500 companies have mentoring programs. This statistic should speak to their value, and as such, if you’re part of a company that offers mentorship programs, Thijs urges you to join them! 

Take, for example, the Dutch Business Association in Vietnam’s Ready to Export Program. This allows mentees to gain valuable insight on their business plans from mentors with experience in Dutch and European markets. 

If your company doesn’t offer mentorship programs, network!

Is There A Difference In Mentor & Mentee Relationships in Vietnam?

Speaking to Thijs, he also mentioned a few differences he’s noticed between the mentor/mentee relationship in Vietnam compared to those in Europe. 

• What’s it like in Vietnam (Asia)?

In Vietnam, mentees generally tend to look up to mentors as more like older brother or sister figures. More respect is given--which is of course great--but with such respect comes an inability to ask certain questions or challenge a mentor when needed (and in order to learn and continue growing, sometimes you need to challenge a mentor!)

• What’s it like in the Netherlands (Europe)?

Compared to Asia, where a lot of reverence is placed on your seniors, countries like the Netherlands allow for a little more leeway when it comes to questioning or challenging your elders. 

→ All in all, this is more of a cultural question. As such, it’s important to remember neither culture is ‘right’. However, Thijs believes it’s important to understand and recognise the differences. 

Learn More About Being A Better Mentor Or Mentee With Betterworks Asia

Learning about the symbiotic relationship between mentors and mentees is one of the most important concepts to understand not just in the workplace but for everyday life. From boosting confidence to having someone to confide in, a lot’s possible with a successful mentor/mentee relationship. If you’re interested in learning more, why not visit Betterworks Asia for more information? Otherwise, connect with Thijs on LinkedIn, he’s always happy to talk!